Prophetic paranoia

I am totally, utterly distracted. I can’t get any work done…and it is not just because I now have internet access at the office and can finally catch up on emails, friends’ blogs, the news, and get distracted into other time-sucks on the web….although that is largely the case. I’m distraught….because I just learned that my fellow Peace Corps volunteers in Bolivia have been evacuated as a precautionary measure in response to the recent political unrest and violence there. I understand that some of the volunteers will be sent here to Ecuador, others to Peru, but most will be sent home. I am really kind of freaked out about it. I never wanted my paranoia about U.S.-Bolivian relations to actually be prophetic...

You see, Jer and I were originally invited by Peace Corps to serve in Bolivia. Despite the fact I wanted to serve in Latin America, my initial reaction was disappointment. We contemplated the invitation for almost a week. Peace Corps put a lot of pressure on us to accept the invitation, alluding to the fact that there was no guarantee we would get another…or that it may further delay our already extremely long application process. In the end, we made the very difficult decision of declining. We did so for a variety of reasons, but largely because in my gut-I had serious doubts about the relations between the current occupant of the White House and Evo Morales, the first Indigenous President of Bolivia. I remember saying to Jer something like “But…of all the countries in Latin America where Peace Corps serves, I believe Bolivia is the one that is at the greatest risk of being booted.” I just didn’t want to go through the whole process of quitting my job, selling the house, selling the car…and going off to Bolivia and not be able to finish my service…. But now, for whatever reason, I feel bad for saying that…

I’ve already received a text from a friend congratulating me on making the right decision. Yet, why is it I feel like crap? On top of the outrage I feel about the recent killings there and feeling exasperated by what sounds like a bungled job by the U.S. diplomatic corps, I just keep thinking about all those volunteers I was originally invited to serve alongside…and trying to imagine what they must be going through...by being told to leave their communities abruptly without much chance to say goodbye to anyone…to not have any type of closure… I feel like I need to apologize or something. So, to my compañeros who served in Bolivia, I want to say: I’m sorry that you were forced to leave the country you love. I’m sorry that violence and war interrupted your service in the name of peace. I’m sorry I can’t do more to help. I’m just so sorry….